My feelings recently.
I don’t even know which one of my friends follow me anymore but whatever.
Throughout my entire life, I’ve always had this problem of caring too much. I always wanted people to treat me the way I treated them. Whenever things go good, it’s not because it really is good, but because I force myself to believe so. I feel as if everyone takes advantage of me, and how weak I am. I give my 100% into my friends, but do they care? Nah. It’s expected from me. They know I’d always be there for them, and they don’t need to be there for me. Sometimes the little things make me feel better, such as goodmorning texts, or simple “i miss you” and “i love you” ‘s but I seem to be the only one saying it to my friends. Is it just me that want them to feel loved? Am I excessively doing this because I lost my best friend in a car accident without telling him these things? I don’t know. All I know is, after his death I’ve felt the need to repeatedly remind my friends on how much they mean to me.
Maybe it’s me that’s over reacting, but I really do feel like I don’t mean as much to people as they mean to me. I tweet depressing/angry tweets and most of them don’t even give a shit about how I’m feeling and don’t even bother to talk to me about it. I don’t really understand. Are you my friend or not? Aren’t you guys supposed to be there for me when times get hard? Are my views on “being a good friend” expectations too high? It makes me want to forget everyone and just disappear, but I know I can’t do that because some of my friends rely on me and my support. Knowing I’m always there for them. But what about me and how I feel?
Maybe I don’t really matter. Maybe I’m not really a friend.
I’ll never know.